Faster Hamster, Fastser

| Opinion | August 29, 2019

by Dale Paule
They are like hamsters, running faster and faster on that little wheel inside their cage, never realizing they’re going nowhere. That’s what all the current democratic candidates look like as they seize each moment to appear on television and belch out one bombshell revelation after another which their handlers convince them will be the one that will spotlight their image and separate them from their opponents, awarding them with the ultimate prize: Presidency of the United States of America.

They’re being told they are running circles around the rest of the would-bes, when in fact, they’re simply running around in circles. In the end, only one of them will be deemed fit for the grueling race ahead against the current holder of that esteemed office, and the rest….well, eventually it will dawn on them that the only title they will hold is, “also ran.”

Then again, simply having run for President of the United States does offer another benefit. It serves as a nifty and unique resume enhancement should they ever choose to run for some other public office; say for instance, dog catcher in some small town…some very small town.

But what of the winner? Who will be the one finally chosen to defeat the incumbent? What (perish the thought) if they too fail to achieve the “dream,” and also have to exit through that door marked, “Loser Exit?”

Fear not fair voter, you may rest assured their status will be politically elevated to an even higher level, and their options for public office are much greater than that of a mere “also-ran.” It would seem likely they might seek the governorship of a state that stood by them throughout their race for president.


A couple of states immediately spring to mind: New York and California. New York would be a natural because its residents appear to have developed a knack lately for picking losers to run their government, so I’d be willing to lay two-bucks to win on that one. California’s a bit trickier, the current governor seems to be just itching for a shot at being President so he can declare America a “Sanctuary Country!”

Rumor has it he already has a closet full of winter clothes just right for those Washington D.C. winters at that big white house. So, whoever chooses California to run for the role of governor in is certain to have our current governor’s full support in return for a heavy dose of Quid Pro Quo when the time comes around.

Thankfully, we don’t have all that long to wait to find out if anyone ran fast enough to win that all-expense paid “vacation” to the White House for the next four exciting years. But politics has always been an unpredictable animal, so round and round the hamster’s wheel goes, and where it stops, nobody knows. There’s another big question which nobody seems to be asking though; who’s going to clean up that big mess left in the hamster cage after it’s all over?

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