by Dale Paule
Dear Senora Pelosi:
I am writing to thank you for your invitation to me and my small family to come and live in your beautiful Sanctuary City of San Francisco.
Until we received your generous offer to become a citizen of your beautiful and “open-to-all” city, there was little hope that we might ever escape the ravages and poverty of our home country, (insert country here). We are very happy to receive your kind offer, but we must ask that several small considerations be met before we can accept.
We will coming one week from today, and would appreciate your arranging transportation from the U.S.-Mexico border to your fine city, and for a suitable place to live for me and my small family; something that would allow us to fit in with your elegant neighborhood, and not insult its beauty by having to live in a tent. It should be a large enough house for my small family, including my wife and myself, our seven children, our grandparents, one uncle and two aunts, and finally our favorite nephew and niece and their four children (three more will arrive later).
Oh yes, if the house could have a yard large enough for our four sheep and two goats, that would be so fortunate.
And, if it is not asking too much, perhaps a small, monthly amount of money could be arranged so as not to be necessary for us to obtain work and cheat any Americans out of a job.
Also, our grand-parents are very old, and it would be comforting for them to receive an additional small amount of money each month from, I think it’s called, Social Security. It would make them feel like they are also a part of, what I believe you call, “The American Dream!”
Oh yes, speaking of dream; our children are yearning to learn your ways and to become worthy of your gift, so perhaps you could arrange an education for them free of charge, including college: Harvard, or perhaps Yale would be preferred, but I don’t wish to impose, so any college of equal importance would be acceptable.
Surely your kindness will be repaid many times over; perhaps not by us, because of course, we are but poor people, and the generous American tax payers will be happy to pay, just as they have always done.
Muchos Gracias, Senora Pelosi.
Your new neighbors
MS 13 member in good standing since 1967