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Not Feeling the Fireworks? Swipe Left on Your Neighbors

| Opinion | June 27, 2019

Here in the City of Santa Clarita, we’re gearing up for the heat of the summer – but we aren’t really ready for the flames. If your neighbors are anything close to being literally “smoking hot,” the city has launched an app to ward off any red hot business with some boys in blue.

We sure do love a good, patriotic time here in L.A.’s sister city, but nothing says “patriotism” like calling the 5-0. Working in conjunction with the famous dating app Tinder, residents can now report their neighbors’ illegal firework activities with the swipe of a tattling finger.

Ooh, la la! Betty? Yes. Ursula? Yes please. Fourth of July sparklers deemed “safe and legal”? See you in prison! The app comes with a “predictive” mapping algorithm, narrowing down ne’er-do-wells so you can tattle safely – all night long.

We know how you like to get together with your friends and spill nitty-gritty, incident-specific details. Why stop with your friends? Share sweet nothings with the Santa Clarita Sheriff’s Department and let your peers snuggle up to the consequences of their own selfish actions.

The new offshoot of Tinder has all of the conveniences of other dating apps; instant communication, simple navigation, and location sharing for an immediate response from law enforcement. Thanks to GPS, officers are able to target those sweet spots which they can “cite” for sore eyes.

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What are you waiting for? Download the app today and help the Los Angeles Sheriffs get acquainted with your neighborhood bad boys.

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About Sarah

Sarah is a student at College of the Canyons and likes to take long walks on the beach. She loves everything jazz, and is aware of every kind of cheese known to man. There's no such thing as a perfect woman, but if there were, she is second to last - and she'll take it.

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