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Return of the “Swamp Zombie”

| Opinion | October 4, 2019

by Dale Paule

Just when you thought it was safe to go near “The Swamp,” out of the fog of lies and “polititalk” the “Swamp Zombie,” once thought to have vanished forever beneath those dark and slimy waters, has suddenly appeared once again. She’s bringing with her even more reasons why she was cheated out of her rightful place in history as “Goddess of the United States.”

She has tried relentlessly to plead her case with reasons for being denied her rightful turn on the throne in the Big White Castle. According to myself, here are a half-dozen more which she may have overlooked, so that her fans may once again take solace in knowing how she, and they, were cheated:

  1. “Trump was given unlimited ‘Face-Space’ time by those right-wing journalists at CNN, which of course robbed me of enough time to counter his lies!”
  2. “Oh, and did I mention, being a girl doomed my chances from the very beginning.”
  3. “Too many deplorable gun totin,’ Bible thumpin,’ banjo playin,’ ‘low information,’ voters out there who put their “X” in the wrong box!”
  4. “James Comey should have shut up and just stuck with the ‘she’s not guilty’ part!”
  5. “What did they expect me to do; go to every %*&#@’ing state in the &%$#@’ing union to campaign?!”
  6. (And my personal favorite ) “The dog ate my campaign strategy plans!”

If you’ve ever watched any of the old horror movies, like “Dracula” or “Frankenstein,” you know that near the end it looks like the “monster” has been defeated. But just as you start to breathe a deep sigh of relief, it suddenly re-appears to make one last stab at our hero or heroine before it receives that final, fatal blow and once and for all sinks back into the murky depths from which it came—“sigh!”

Well, that’s the point we’re at now with our “monster,” the “Swamp Zombie.”

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We’re just now at that point of waiting to see that final defeat, which will put the “Swamp Zombie” to rest, once and for all (or at least until some future Presidential election).

And here’s an additional bit of good news you probably hadn’t considered: Had the “Swamp Zombie” actually succeeded in becoming, “Goddess of the United States,” as she intended, she would have no doubt decreed a new “Three Dollar” bill be minted, and we would have suffered the never-ending horror of seeing her face on it every day for the rest of our lives!

Maybe “fate” ain’t such a bad thing after all?

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