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The California Pandemic Alphabet

| Opinion | May 21, 2020

by Harry Parmenter

A is for Arbitrary.  Simon Newsom says you can open, Simon says you can’t.
B is for bookstore.  Simon says you can open but no one can come inside; curbside pick-up only.  People who love bookstores and still support them want to go INSIDE to CHOOSE a book.  If we wanted to find something online and order it we would go to what’s called AMAZON.
C is for, what else, CoronaVirus.
D is for Dictatorship.  It used to stand for Democrats.
E is for Enough.  IT IS TIME TO RETURN TO FREEDOM, Simon.  This is AMERICA.
F is for First responders.  Yes, Simon is out of money because he refuses to open the state so he needs to blackmail Donald by telling Joe Public the first people to go if he doesn’t get his zillion dollar bailout will be First responders.  Reminiscent of the first thing little Barry did when the government shutdown occurred was close the Lincoln Memorial, Washington Monument, national parks, etc. i.e. what people love the most.  God forbid he and the rest of the bureaucrats would vote to have their salaries suspended.
G is for grief, not only for the families of victims of CoV, but those who have lost loved ones who refused to go to the doctor for unrelated maladies, and died as a result.  A friend, 68, had recurrent shoulder pain but didn’t see a doctor due to The Fear.  He dropped dead of a heart attack.
H is for Home, which is what many people will lose the longer people aren’t allowed to work.
I is for Inoculation, but guess what?  We may not get one anytime soon.   Shall we wait for Godot and the cure to cancer while we’re at it?
J is for Joke, because the joke’s on you.
K is for KISS, whose farewell tour has been interrupted. Now it may never end.
L is for Lies, which we’ve grown accustomed to and now often swallow whole.
M is for Madness, which is what we are slowly descending into.
N is for Nature, a wonderful respite during all this, for those of us who have access to it.
O is for Over, which is what this needs to be.
P is for Pelosi, who is calling the shots in DC.  Exactly what is the endgame for these people who want to destroy our country with endless government handouts, crippling debt that will eventually bring us to our knees and turn us into a banana republic? They’re all wealthy and live behind their walls; but WHAT DO THEY WANT EXACTLY?
Q is for Queen Elizabeth, because couldn’t we use her right about now? The Crown is always so reassuring.
R is for Remsidvir, the only current hope.
S is for Safety, because after all we must remain in our homes for safety reasons, afraid to venture out in case the wind blows the wrong way and we catch a cold, er, virus.  Well, they ARE kind of the same thing.
T is for Torture, because it’s a slow death no matter what.
U is for University, all of which will be shut down indefinitely in the nanny state of California for fear there might be a spider in someone’s closet.  More likely one of the cockroaches will escape from Sacramento.
V is for Vote, which is what we did for Mike Garcia, a first step to take our country, not to mention our district, back.
W is for Wuhan, where our special friends who make all our stuff concocted this disaster.
X is for Alphabetland, the first X album in decades that is just what we needed.  Loud, fast and unscientific.
Y is for Youth, who are seeing theirs float away in a sea of paranoia and, of course, “an abundance of caution.”  Here’s your stimulus check; now shut up and go watch TV.
Z is for Zoo, which is where the animals are, ignoring the whole thing.

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