The Emperor’s New Threads

| Opinion | May 9, 2019

Many years ago, there was a Party of Mules so exceedingly fond of the idea that The Orange Emperor was an agent for the Country of the Bear, that they spent two years and $30 million of the citizens’ dollars to prove it to the citizens. They did not care about funding their soldiers or protecting their borders. They forgot about doing the people’s business. All they seemed to want to do was go on a thing called “the media” and proclaim that The Orange Emperor was a traitor. A Schiff was especially bold in his proclamations against The Emperor. They were all waiting for a report from the Wizard of Investigation called The Mueller. The Party of Mules accused The Emperor and his family of doing the vilest things every hour of the day. The Emperor’s council always said, “Give The Mueller everything he asks for, and do not interfere with him!” The Orange Emperor followed their advice.

The story begins in the great capitol city of the Mule Party where they always seemed to be angry. Among them dwelled swindlers. They were weavers of lies, and they said they could weave the most magnificent lies imaginable. Not only were their prevarications uncommonly fine, but they seemed to be true to anyone who was unfit for his office, or who was unusually stupid.

“Those would be just the lies for me,” thought the Almost Queen of her party. “If we told them we would be able to discover which men in my empire are unfit for their posts, and I could tell the wise men from the fools. Yes, I certainly must get that Dossier written for me right away.”

They paid the two swindlers a large sum of money to start work at once. The Almost Queen, her party and their deep state henchmen knew it would destroy The Orange Emperor and his family.

They used a thing called “The Web.” They created the finest and purist threads ever seen. They worked far into the night.


An honest old minister went to the room where the two swindlers sat working away at their empty threads.

“Heaven help me,” he thought, as his eyes flew wide open, “I can’t see any facts at all.” But he did not say so.

He couldn’t see anything, because there was nothing to see. “Heaven have mercy,” he thought. “Can it be that I’m a fool? I’d have never guessed it, and not a soul must know. Am I unfit to be the minister? It would never do to let on that I can’t see the threads.” So, he recused himself.

All the people in the city proclaimed that these threads written by the weavers of lies were the finest they had ever seen. All the noblemen agreed, though they could see nothing, for there was nothing to see.

So, off went the Party of Mules in procession to the thing called “The Media” and proclaimed the guilt of The Orange Emperor. Everyone in the streets and the windows said, “Oh, how fine are the words of the swindlers! Don’t they fit him to perfection?” Nobody would confess that he couldn’t see anything, for that would prove him either unfit for his position, or a fool. No accusations against The Emperor had ever been such a complete success.

Two years later, the Mueller came out of his cave and gave his judgment to The Barr, who proclaimed that The Orange Emperor was without guilt.

The Party raged at the Barr and declared that, “This procession of threads has got to go on.”

The End.

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About Stephen Smith

Stephen Smith is a graduate of UCLA and has lived and worked in the Los Angeles area his entire life. In 2010 and 2012 he was the Republican Party endorsed candidate running against longtime incumbent Xavier Becerra, for the House of Representatives in the United States Congress. He admits to having a bias in favor of our Nation's founding principles. Stephen can be contacted at smith4liberty@outlook.com

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