I am using the Santa Clarita Gazette to officially announce my candidacy for president of the United States. Due to the chasm, which now exists between the Democrat and the Republican Parties, I am going to run as an Independent.
President Donald Trump has brought our economy back from a bad recession, to a thriving economy. “help wanted” signs are everywhere you go. Fast food restaurants have starting wages at $12.00 to $15.00 an hour, instead of minimum wage. The national unemployment rate is at 3.6 percent. That means, anyone who wants a job can get one. Employers are begging for good, qualified employees. We now have the lowest unemployment among African-Americans in U.S. history. We now have the lowest unemployment among Hispanics in U.S. history. We now have the lowest unemployment among women in 50 years.
We now have the lowest unemployment among youth in 50 years. North Korea is no longer launching missiles into the Sea of Japan. We no longer see ISIS beheading Americans, or drowning Americans, or setting Americans on fire, because President Trump gave orders to our brave military men and women to win the fight against terror, and they did as he ordered.
President Trump is doing what Democrats have been promising for over 50 years but haven’t accomplished; what LBJ promised, the “Great Society” with lofty goals of ending poverty, reducing crime, abolishing inequality. President Trump signed the First Step Act, helping those released from prison, mostly minorities, to get a new start. Criminal justice reform was passed to improve fairness in sentencing and introduce policies to reduce recidivism. He signed a bill that will permanently provide more than $250 million a year to the nation’s historically black colleges and universities.
He signed the Tax Cuts and Jobs act into law, which provided more than $5.5 trillion in gross tax cuts, nearly 60 percent of which went to families. Doubled the child tax credit to help lessen the financial burden of raising a family. Lowered America’s corporate tax rate from the highest in the developed world to allow American businesses to compete and win. He has established Opportunity Zones to spur investment in left behind communities, mostly African-American and Hispanic communities. Signed Right-to-Try legislation, expanding health care options for terminally ill patients. Allowed the U.S. oil production to achieve its highest level in American history. The United States is now the largest crude oil producer in the world. What does that mean to the average U.S. citizen? It means we no longer have to buy oil from people who want to kill us.
President Trump has done a great job for us. But that isn’t good enough! We demand more! The Democratic presidential candidates promise us much more than President Trump is giving us. If we vote the Democrat candidate to be our next president, we will get $15.00 an hour minimum wage, cancellation of student debt, free college for everybody, free healthcare, free childcare, free housing, free income. That is so much better than what President Trump is giving us. I cannot see why anybody would vote to reelect President Trump. He is not giving us anything free!
But I say, “Why stop there.” Here is my list of what I am going to give you for free:
$50.00 per hour minimum wage. Who can live on only $15.00 an hour? If you are working at McDonald’s making $50.00 an hour, you can support your family of four.
Cancellation of credit card debt. Student loans are only $1.4 trillion. Credit card debt is over $4 trillion. I want everybody’s vote, not just students’.
Free credit card for everybody. Just like student debt, you don’t have to pay it back. Use it all you want and never make a payment.
Your own private doctor. Why should only the rich have access to a private doctor. Bernie Sanders didn’t have to wait to see a doctor when he had his heart attack last year, did he?
Free personal nanny in your home. Free childcare is nice, but why should you have to drag your kids to a crowded daycare facility, while the rich enjoy having a private nanny in their own homes. After all, we are talking about income equality here, aren’t we?
Cancellation of mortgage debt. Democrats promise free Section 8 housing for the poor, while they live in mansions. That certainly is not income equality. Nobody should have to live in Section 8 housing. Everybody should be able to buy whatever house suits their needs; then the mortgage should be cancelled. Why are democrats only talking about cancelling student debt? Many people have a hard time making their mortgage payments. When I sign an Executive Order cancelling all home mortgages, no one will be evicted from their home ever again. Needless to say, if you choose to live in an apartment, it will be rent-free.
President Trump has done a lot for us, but he is not giving us free stuff. The Democrats are promising us free stuff, but not nearly enough free stuff. We demand income equality! Everybody should have what the rich have.
Vote for me and I will give you all the free stuff so you can live just like the rich do.
The only question left for you to ask is this, “Is this satire or am I serious?” I am going to leave that question for you to answer. My question for the Democrats is this, “Is your rhetoric satire or are you serious?”